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Wednesday, September 20, 2006
 one more night - stars
 heavy :(
for
some people, growing up (well, the FEELING of growing up) takes forever
to achieve... others even take a lifetime to think and set things
straight, dying with some accomplishments but in a way never contented
with what they had and what they have become. last weekend was in no
doubt, the heaviest weekend i have ever had in my 20 years of existence
in this picayune space i call earth.
1/4 of the bunch
(from top, left to right : jc, kristine,jhette,moi, chen, dj, jhayvee and amir)
twas
dj's birthday last saturday so we had a little get-together at the
garcia's (ang immortal na tambayan eversince!) and it was fun being
with them. na-miss ko yung days na after school, tatambay kami, tekken,
vcd marathon, record-record, sleep-overs... it has been a while na din
kasi since nagkasama-sama kami (tho sooobrang kulang pa nga kami sa
lagay na yan... 21 yata kami!) and it has been a while since i laughed
and talked to my bestfriend ng ganun. as in sobrang tagal na.
nagbadminton pa kami sa kalsada ng mga 2a... joke time and
picture-picture... (kaya blue yann sa taas kasi pasikat na ang araw)...
basta, sobrang saya.ü
i dont know but everytime im with them,
i get emo and i feel old. i know kasi na nag-iba na ang mga
priorities namin and we have our own lives and problems to worry about
na at this point in time but deep inside, were still the same set of
wacky people who take joy in just hanging out, gitara/jam lang, pag may
maiinom, sakto na... pancit canton + pandesal loving people who attend
the Good Friday procession, tumatambay pagtapos ng noche buena,
nag-iinuman tuwing new year.
i so love them. theyre the best family ever. 
me and tito mac on my kindergarten grad
(first honor - first medal ever!)
my
tito mac was rushed to the hospital last sunday night due to some
complications na ayoko na ding i-lista. bj and i hurriedly went to
where he was rushed and stayed there up until i made sure that things
are going to be alright.
see, this person took care of my my
whole life without anything in return even if were not even blood
related and seeing him in pain tore me apart. i felt so helpless na i
couldnt help him. i was wishing na sana ako na lang yung nandun sa bed,
writhing in pain, having a hard time breathing. funny na he was still
in his talkative side kahit na he's under observation. he has always
been like that, smart, frank... and i really look up to him sa lahat ng
bagay. i want to be like him... selfless and stands for what he truly
believes in. coward kasi ako. push-over. but not him. he's there by my
side, lagi ako pinagtatanggol sa lahat.
as he was lying there, i told him... "magpagaling ka nga! dapat mauna ako sayo... saka, magpapakasal pa ako!"
(we had this joke kasi na pag nakita nya na daw yung tamang tao,
ipauubaya nya na daw ako)... i didnt know what to feel... i wanted to
cry but i wanted to be strong for him. gusto kong may makapitan pero
wala, i stood there on my own. sobrang daming thoughts ang pumasok sa
utak ko na hindi ko ma-process lahat. i wanted to scream pero wala,
sobrang hirap, sobrang sakit. he means the world to me and seeing him
in pain kills me. as we went home, ang bigat bigat ng loob ko pero i
chose not to speak for it wouldnt make things easier and would just
make them complicated so i decided to just go and sleep.
kinabukasan, i went again to the hospital and found out na he's all
okay and he's going to be released na din by the afternoon. it was such
a relief to know that everything is going to be back to normal (well,
kahit konti) and that everything's going to look good. but i thought na
maybe this was a sign that i should now stand on my own feet and not
depend on him (well, i do work but still...) that much. so i told
him... "Magpahinga ka na. Kaya ko na'ng sarili ko". He agreed and said that he'll help me find my own place... afterwards, it's all me.
Ive been wanting to move out for the longest time and yet
now that it's here, I fear for what I will become and what will happen.
I know that this is all for me to be stronger pero pinanghihinaan ako
ng loob. Ive prayed and asked God for guidance and my heart tells me
that this is it. I need to wise up... I need to grow up... and it all
starts here, at this point and at this day. I dont know if I can make
it out there on my own but I guess everything'll do. Tito Mac always
tells me to take things in stride so maybe I will (or wont, knowing
ngarag-by-nature talaga ang personality ko) .... maybe this is
how my life's scheme is supposed to work. the irony of it all. basta
ang importante, ok na si tito mac. masaya na ako dun. :)
for now, somebody save me and wish me luck. im about to let go of my sanity.
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COUNTDOWNS
fRiEnDs
LiNkS
